


imitating silence

by milkdaze (flowerstems)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Brainwashing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9046676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerstems/pseuds/milkdaze
Summary: Sasuke remembers what joy feels like. He holds it in his memories like he holds many things. So he feels the last vestiges of joy most sharply as they drain from him; he feels joy most vividly as he feels it for the last time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for dropitlikeanuchiha @ tumblr for the narutosecretsanta2016. happy holidays, here's hoping you enjoy it!

After the war, Naruto visits him in prison seven times.

The visits are light songs between the dark silence and the _yourewrongwrongwrongyoucriminaldirtymadboy—_

Sasuke remembers what joy feels like. He holds it in his memories like he holds many things. So he feels the last vestiges of joy most sharply as they drain from him; he feels joy most vividly as he feels it for the last time. It’s not a sudden loss. Rather, it happens painfully slow. It takes time, it takes energy, it takes more of him than he had been prepared to lose after everything.

Naruto says there's hope for the world. He talks—the world can become a better place, Sasuke doesn't have to sacrifice himself for it, and Sasuke dies. When he opens his eyes, alive again, somehow, Naruto is still beside him in this afterlife. This second chance they paid for with a life and an arm, both of them, for a better world. Sasuke is struck with something, with trust, intrigue, because Naruto believes in a world so far out of reach. A world of light and peace and hope—he believes in it so badly he would rather die than kill Sasuke to ensure Sasuke is around to see it.

Sasuke wants to see it.

It may not be the justice he wants but it must have its own charm. There must be something to it if Naruto feels so strongly about it. Sasuke returns to Konoha because Naruto won't die and how can Sasuke bring about the revolution he so desires if Naruto won't die? If Naruto lives his world lives, too, and Sasuke will see it happen.

Except he's sitting in cell, restrained and temporarily blinded. The deep darkness isn’t new, isn’t strange, but being immobilised is and Sasuke _hates_ it. He hates the restriction, the forced isolation all over again. He hates the directionless judgement and the genjutsu and the same phrases over and over. Sasuke has done wrong he knows this already. He has killed and lied and he will pay for it but he can't do that in a cell. He can't do anything in this goddamn cell.

All he can do is be wrung out and moulded. His arms have gone from numb to sore to numb over and over and he hasn't seen anything in so long and why is he here what is he here for what was it all for if it's come to this?

Time goes and goes and goes. It’s cold. A strange cold. Pointless.

The first time Naruto visits his voice is rough like he doesn't know what to say. That's a first. Naruto speechless. Sasuke chuckles as Naruto stumbles over a greeting and isn't that a shame? Is that what they are now? No better than strangers, after all they've been through? _Such a dumbass._

Naruto speaks again, offended now, talking with a less restraint and Sasuke angles himself to Naruto’s voice. It's so good to hear after so long. Sasuke pushes again, “ _Usuratonkachi_ ,” and Naruto goes off like a jackhammer, talking quickly and loudly. His voices echoes.

When he catches himself he laughs, “You got me, Sasuke,” and it would be nice to see that smile but this is enough, he supposes.

The next time Naruto visits it's after more more more of you're wrong mad boy what were you hoping to achieve look where you are now. Sasuke fights it off. He knows he wasn't wrong, not in the way they tell him he is. It's not wrong to grieve your family. It’s not wrong to long for their souls to rest. It’s not wrong to want to ensure no one ever loses the way he has lost ever again. It's not wrong, it's not—

Naruto visits and he's a breath of fresh air, which Sasuke could use because this cell is stale, dull, boring as all fuck, but he's lucky to be alive, he supposes. Naruto talks and he's not as hindered as the first visit but he still sounds odd and careful. It's so strange, so unlike him. Sasuke wonders if he's really Naruto at all but his chakra feels the same. It feels so distinctly _Naruto._ There's a sorrow clinging to it but it's Naruto. If Sasuke had the chakra to expend he's sure he could feel Kurama as well.

Naruto talks about things in the village, how they are, and Sasuke could care less. He's not sure how much less, but he could care less, but Itachi wouldn't want that, would he? So he listens to what Naruto says about the village. Then Sasuke asks Naruto about himself instead. “ _You used to love talking about yourself._ ”

Naruto laughs and he doesn't sound much like Naruto at all. Sasuke wonders what it was all for.

Naruto's third, fourth and fifth visits are almost synchronised with the days—or are they nights? Doesn't matter. Sometimes Sasuke doesn't think he'll make it through them. He doesn't think he'll ever see the sun or the sky again. They tell him he's wrong, so wrong. He's mad, of course he'd fail. That's why he's in there and everyone else is out there in the sun, in the world. Free to live, to breathe, to feel. Sasuke wants to fight it down, fight it out of his head, but he's tired. So tired.

They're probably right.

He's still in here. He can't move, can't see the sun, he'll never see the light of day again. I'm so sorry, Itachi, I couldn't do it. I failed you. I failed. Naruto says it's going to be okay, he'll get out. It's okay, have hope, but Sasuke doesn't want hope right now. He wants out. He wants change. He wants, he wants—what does he want? It's hard to remember what he longed for so _badly_. Nothing seems right. Nothing seems worth it. Maybe he should just sit here quietly and rot.

That sounds like a good idea. If only he'd _rot quicker_.

The bars of his cell clang and shake something violent and Sasuke’s body flinches reflexively, expecting the you're wrong, expecting the pain that doesn't come because it's Naruto on the other side and not-

“You're wrong. It's not better if you rot, it's better if you _live._ You need to live. I need—” Naruto stops abruptly, wet voice shivering into silence. Sasuke can guess what he was going to say. Sasuke can guess what he doesn't say but Sasuke doesn't voice any of that.

He's so tired.

He just sits quietly and when Naruto's footsteps fade to silence Sasuke lets his head hang, chin to his chest. He can't tell if his eyes are opened or closed but it doesn't matter. He'll never see the light of day again. There's nothing but noise and you're wrong and you deserve this and Sasuke struggles to remember Itachi’s voice, his smile, his mother’s smile, the way she would pat his head, the way Naruto would punch him while sparring, the way Naruto laughed so freely so warmly when they were younger.

What was it all for, he wonders. Was any of it worth it? Was it worth the lives of everyone he loved? Was it worth the light that Naruto held, was it worth it? Sasuke sits here and he wishes Naruto had killed him, but he supposes Naruto was always too warm for that.

The sixth time (maybe) Naruto visits there's a spring in his step and a lilt to his voice that Sasuke knows is Naruto, all Naruto, and he says, “You'll be out soon, Sasuke. They're letting you out!”

Why though? Why would they let me out?

“What do you mean why? It's because they can't keep you in here forever.”

They should.

“Well they won't. There's no way I'd let them!”

Is that so.

Naruto falls silent and Sasuke measures it like he's grown used to measuring silences, the weight of them, their intent. What they may or may not mean. He's become better at it, better now than ever before.

“You're getting out of here, Sasuke. That's all there is to it.”

It's Naruto's shortest visit yet but it leaves Sasuke feeling more exhausted than any other. It offers little reprieve. For some reason, Sasuke doesn't find comfort in the thought of seeing the sun again, but maybe he's just tired.

By Naruto's final visit Sasuke knows he belongs in a stale cell, restrained and blindfolded, with no hope of ever seeing the light of day, the sky, the sun—doesn't matter doesn't matter—but Naruto says it's okay. There's hope. There's always hope. It will be okay but Sasuke doesn't want okay. He doesn't want any of this. He doesn't want anything this village has to offer.

He wants out. He says as much and Naruto sounds hurt even when he doesn't say anything, that's the weight of his silence, but when he says okay he sounds like he understands. Naruto has been good at understanding Sasuke most of the time, but Naruto couldn't understand him when Sasuke needed him to the most. That's okay. Sasuke didn't expect him to. He's not sure what he expected, but no one can understand anyone all the time, no matter how deep the connection.

Still, Naruto understands him now, and Naruto understands him when they stand near the gates of Konoha. It's bright. It’s so bright outside, but it's not as bright as Sasuke had hoped, not as bright as it used to be. Naruto is duller, too, and Sasuke can guess a multitude of reasons for it without Naruto saying anything. They don't say much because they don't need to, Sasuke is glad that hasn't changed.

Sasuke is glad Naruto is the last person he sees when he leaves Konoha.

There's nothing left, nothing left for him at all, but still. If there is anything to be made, anything to be brought about, anything left for him to see, Sasuke wants it to be the world Naruto spoke of. The world of peace, of light; the world Itachi would have wanted. The world Sasuke intended to bring about through revolution—Sasuke wants to see Naruto bring that world to life, but he won’t be in Konoha when it happens.


End file.
